Suggestions To Friends (Paper Draft)

To Yazmin
Hey YOU! :)
I get the direction you are going in with your paper but it would be a good idea to generate an actually thesis instead of a question in the introduction. I had a little trouble with my thesis too so just think of the main points and arguements you have and make a thesis that would best fit with that.
I really like that you really actually answer WHY you think we are so addicted and the use of your examples from Feed and other stuff. You made a small point of social acceptance and this reminds me to talk more about conformity that I did not include in my own paper. So thanks for the reminder i guess! :D
I am looking forward to your "to be continued". Maybe you can include a little a little more personable in some paragraphs and more information in the others. For example how personally do you think you fit into this whole digitization for social acceptance idea.
And how does the example of your growing apart relationship with your family can relate to some informal research, texts, other people's blogs, etc.
And please do not end your good going paper with too many questions that can be unanswered by you, it makes it really ehhh....how you say, makes it seem like fillers for you paper. But i am sure with revisions i'll be great.

To Conor
Conorrrrrrrrrrrr
I give you permission for you to brag in my face since you, for the first time got you assignment due so early! Even before me! Congrats :) lol
I think your rough draft is a good kick start. There could be a lot more you can add though. Your thesis and your main idea is really good, how digitization makes us act on impulse. It also makes us less patient since we have gotten so use to everything being so quick for us, fast internet, fast food, fast shopping, fast transportation, etc.
You have some good evidences as well but you can write more and relate back to how your specific evidences relate back to your thesis.
You can definitely add more from some informal research about this idea. Hey its only a rough draft, I'm sure you'll write way more and write your analysis of your thesis more as well.
Hey the beginning of this short article thing briefly talks about how digitization makes us act fast without thinking. Maybe you can use this as evidence as well :)
http://www.articlesbase.com/science-articles/negative-effects-of-modern-day-technology-1106666.html
GOOD LUCK!!